I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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