I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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