There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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