The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
