I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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