the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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