So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
