3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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