dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
