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Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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