I wish my penis had an off switch
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
