i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
