Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
