if you like me you must not know who I am
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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