It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
