I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
