It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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