i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
