He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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