I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
