im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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