I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
