I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
