At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
