get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.