I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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