I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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