my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
