if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
