The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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