I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
