how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
