I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
