He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
