The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize