Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
