Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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