That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
