I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
