haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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