She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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