id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
