Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
