what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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