it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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