so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
