he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
