Ketchup is God's man juice
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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