one two three fourrrrnication!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
being pregnant is like rehab
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
