before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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