i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
