I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you had me at cake vodka
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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