In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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