Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
