My hand turned me down
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
