He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
