making cat noises will not fix the situation.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
