I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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