Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
